Thursday, April 29, 2010

Am happy......but sad again....

Met baby today!!!! Finally!!! 

Went to Kado for the first time.....Had my first lamb burger and its huge!!! I love!! Baby had his black pepper lamb rice and lamb burger....* No picture tho, cos I didnt thought of taking any picture * And he loves the food!!! Yeah, it was delicious!!! He was upset tho that we only went there for the first time today, since hez leaving soon........Cause that would probably be his first and last time dining there.......huuhuuu...so sad........Sooorryyy la dear, I only get to know about the place recently........

Owh, we drive pass our 2nd home too.....Lol....We really missed the house, especially the room.....We spent most of our time there; watching movies, eating pizza or his 'home' food...Oh, Im soo gonna miss his cooking.........


Yerp, is his former house...Taken from inside the car....The new owner was seen cleaning the place.........

I gave baby something today, for him to bring home.........for his graduation @ for him to remember me.....I wished I had taken picture of it, so I can remember it too....swt...And I'm happy that he loves it!!! He said so himself!!

Anyhow, I'll be leaving Kuching next week too....*eyes beaming* Furthering my study in UCSI KL...........Thank God mummy finally give up on asking me to take up engineering, cause one thing for sure, I'm not sure if I can cope with it........I'm glad too that I leave Kuching for a while...I think I need it...This place will just remind me of baby one way or the other....Its like we've step foot in almost all the familiar places here...At least being far away from here would maybe give me peace and that I can focus more on my study............Hrrrrmmm, will miss u soo much dear....Pray for my success!!! I will definitely keep every advise you gave me and use it wisely......

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

sorry

Dear Mummy and Daddy,


I'm soo soorry for today....For forcing both of you to do something for me....But I need this....I need to do what I want to do, what I love to do....For this, I will always remember the sacrifice u've made for me............I will always keep in mind all your advise and prayfully will succeed in life eventhough I've decide to go on my own way........I will make sure that I graduate and that u'll be proud of me one day....


I'm sorry for letting you down...
I'm sorry for breaking your dreams...
I'm sorry for causing you pain...
I'm sorry for being the reason of your tears...

I'm sorry that my words
Are not what you want to hear...
I'm sorry that my face
Is not what you want to see...

I'm sorry for not being able to express myself
And hiding in my shell...
I'm sorry for not being perfect
And ruining all that I touch...

I'm sorry for not being what you want me to be...
I'm sorry for being me...




and I love you......

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Miss him on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday

I hope I'll see him tomorrow.....After all we've got only few days left....

Hes having some problem recently, thats why I have to leave him alone to sort it out....Am not gona jump into the lion's mouth just to gained his attention....I'm not like that....And I definitely wunt want him to get irritated and hates me....He can be really scary sometime...But one thing I love the most about him is that no matter how angry or upset he is, he will never ever ever lay a single hand on me.....Nope, he'll never slap nor hit me....and will never put the blame on me.....I love u baby  ♥

To the guy who messed with him....Fuck u....Ya, hell ya........Do you think what you did was good??? I curse you in the future when its time for you to leave this country.....You wont have any single cents at all to travel, I swear!! Another one, I curse that you wunt get to graduate!!!!

Hrrrmmm....Back to reality.....I'm joblesss........Hell yaa...shitty......Mommy and daddy why are you soo stubborn?????? Do u really wana see me staying at home all day??? Why cant you just let me study what I want to study??? Whhhhhhhhyyyyyyy?????????? Its almost a year now!! I'm really eager to go back to school!!!! Please laaa, once I give up, theres no turning back again...And I will definitely put education behind...............So please, dont spoil my mood now...Not now.........I beg you......And for the last time, I'm NOT gonna study ENGINEERING!!!!!! Im not interested in it!! Why do you want to force me into doing something I dont like???????? Arrrrhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Oh dear, I'm out of my mind..........This study issue have been going on for the past 8months now......And everytime when I want to join the college's next intake, they start giving me headache..........So that is why I'm still jobless......Dammmn, they are sooo freakin ignorant!!! If only I can kill myself so they'll 'wake up'!!!

No worries....I wunt do such thing........its a sin, a huge one.....I've commited serious sin once and Im not goin to create another one again...

Change topic.....Baby's topic makes me happier....lol....
Baby, honestly, I dont want you to go...But I have no choice, like you....Well, I have no say at all....Family first aite?? I wish I'm your family....Then, U mite consider to stay..........Oh well, gota go cos am feeling tears coming............


AND 

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Our Interacial Relationship.......

This is sweettt................I loikee!!!



Baby, we had this before....Our differences....And I love every moment being with you......Im glad i had u bie.....


I love you..............always.......

Saturday, April 24, 2010

NST Online Striving to put Nigerians back in positive light

NST Online Striving to put Nigerians back in positive light

I personally think we should just stop generalizing this nation as the 'bad people'.....Like seriously, God created the word crime, means we have crime and it happen to every nation every country of the world.........Discriminating other race / nations wunt help in solving this problems.....Try google up these kind of issues, focus on comments and believe it or not, we're actually being known by other foreigner that Malaysia = Malaysian are a racist country.......swt....I'm ashamed of this......

But hey, I'm not surprised at all....We're even racist towards each other, towards the other race in the same country....What happen to "malaysia truly asia??" All those "mix races live harmoniously" here are actually bullshit......Even ministers and politicians are fighting against each other........Its just to blind tourist to come and visit malaysia and at the same time generate revenue to the country...

I just thank Lord that we still have the brain to stay calm among ourselves instead of resulting this whole issues into war..........

For PayperPost

Another closet corrects the cry.

Friday, April 23, 2010

2nd day

Baby came early to get me today.....Right, to spend time with him........

Got to his place and somehow notice some things have changed.....His room isn't as tidy as it use to be,things just scattered around the floor......I ask him "why is ur room so messy?? I thought u're a clean person??" His only answer was " I'm leaving, wat do u expect???" So i just keep quiet...Do u know that harsh baby?? It hurts........Well, I know he wants to keep thing as normal as it could, but thats impossible dear....We both know that u're leaving ok......

And so the whole afternoon, we were busy cleaning his room, packing his stuff.......Being a student oversea is a major headache when u're done with schools...got loads of things to pack home, but not much of "allowed baggage".......While he pack, I help discarding other unnecessary stuff from his drawer, wardrobe...Watching every move of him packing his thing just broke my heart.....I still can't believe that its time...its just too soon....He left me something though....Pictures, shirt (with his smell still intake), player, iron (its a waste to leave it there so I just took it), comforter, speaker, mini x'mas tree and so on....

* Soorry got no picture at all,was to engrossed with the cleaning, and him too....

Halfway thru, we lie down on the bed resting....There was a moment of silence when suddenly, I broke down and cried,soo much that he freaked........He use to tell me that hes scared if a gurl shed tears, he could run away....But thank god, with me he willingly lend his shoulder......I just love it when he stroke my hair and kiss my forehead, I'm gonna miss that the most baby......He was soo comforting, his words just soothes my feeling...He ask me not to cry or I'll hurt myself....That when he realized that I had heavy eyebags, and all he did was never let go....

We then ordered pizza, and enjoy it in that very room.....That was probably our last pizza together, last time in the room too......dammmnnn, this is soo sad....

Alrite, I'm done for today........too exhausted...

Heres my favourite flower for u dear.....For your save journey home...Hope you love it.....





And I definitely hope that one day u will come back for me with these adorable tulips.......




 "I will miss you" and "One thing for sure, I will see you again"
- via text msg by him on 230410.

I love u baby.....

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Being down

He called this morning to check on me. We fought last night because he is leaving. Yea, leaving Kuching, leaving Sarawak, Leaving Malaysia and the worst part is leaving me. Leaving with no options, leaving without promises....Leaving our relatinship, our love...He told me he is leaving in 2 weeks time...leaving for good....

Nope, we dont have plans,we dont have goal, we dont make wishes......We never dare to make one cause we both know that 1 day, sooner or later, we'll have to say goodbye..

He said we should spent more time together from now....He said I deserved it...It used to be fun to go out together, to see each other....But not today, not tomorrow... The more we see each other, i realise the day will come to an end...No more movies together, no more eat out together, no more sunny hill ice cream together, no more window shopping at The Spring...No more kiss, no more hug....I wonder how far will this relationship go without kiss and hugs........I just dont enjoy this moments of togetherness anymore, it freaks me......Occasionally, without him knowing, I would shed tears, and wipe it off as fast as I could and look at him with a forceful smile....

All day we were lying down next to each other, just talking and talking....And when its time, we head out to have our dinner......I let him order for the food he wants cos I want him to remember that day....So we had his favourite Sweet and Sour Pork, Cangkuk manis fried with eggs ( is the only m'sian vege he can eat) i dnt noe, he just wunt open up to try out other kinds of vege....and lastly Asam Fish....We love the food, was absolutely yumchious.....

Gosh, I'm out of words now...Im sure tears will start rolling down my cheek if I dont stop........Guess thats it for now..........
So baby,

If u're reading bie, remember that i will cherished all the moment we had together....U're the best partner I've ever had....Thank you so much!!


I will always love you...Take care dear....



Saturday, April 10, 2010

The difficulties in life......im living in it.....

“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry.

Better a lie that soothes than a truth that hurts..”

I hate whats going on right now.........The future, the studies and the bf.........and especially the parents.......




Life indeed isnt fair...........
~~ClueLess...We're on the ROAD to nowhere..I keep going back to the things that I need to walk away from..~~
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