Huge disappointment again...wtf....Im totally out of my mind from now....Seriously..Its like something heavy, real heavy just come crushing down my skull and exude my brain juice out...damnit...

Cant believe Im repeating history again and again and again....Am I really a failure??? Geeessshh, sometime it makes me stop believing in praying for miracle....I mean pray for good means laaaa, not for the sake of miracle to happen....

Am I that dumb???? Why on earth do I become dumb n dummer the older I get??? I dont deserve this at all....I mean I have never offended anyone in my 20 years of living???? Why do I get such nuisance dat I failed to achieve what I've wanted to get?? My goal...My dream....I've tried, really I do....I just dont understand whats goin on with me....

I have a control freak parent, and uncleared vision of a Bf, moderate @ average house to stay in, comfortable life, poverty never get to invade my family.....So what else have I missed??? What else that I'm missing that cause such dissapoinment for me??? and to dady n mumy????

This is just a whole freakin mess...Now everything tergendala....Traveling, freedom, social life, independant....Poooffff!!!! Just gone just like dat....wtf.....Im just soo confused.....The thoughts of giving up all these ever come across me tho...But then, is it worth it to take the risk???

*Im in doubt*